00:00.60 alifeinruins And welcome back to episode one seventy one Carlton's first year of a professor in review kind of just finished up talking about my first semester and I had a teaching waver that semester. So I really didn't have to do too much. Just trying to you know which was fortunate because things so kind of got to that god damn museum. It was a dumpster fire. Um, my colleagues there were like they're very nice, very well meaning um as we looked for a new director. Um I didn't want to get involved. Too much because I already knew you know I've I've been in positions before we were looking for new boss new wait for new boss to have a whole new vision and everything and I wasn't going to waste a bunch of time. Um, but the second semester we were there the spring right? A couple things happened one I got into the scuba which I really enjoyed. Doing and learning taking the underwater archaeology class getting my certifications and open water advanced and scientific diving and know that that was joint in my life. But once again, it was like they're my colleagues. Um, you know I don't know I enjoyed the class I taught I taught that science communication anthropology class I enjoyed it I but definitely need to retweak it but I was really depressed especially in the spring I had a you know, fun trip to. 01:35.68 alifeinruins Visits simon in italy and um, reconnect with my ukrainian colleagues especially after doing that fundraiser we did in September and getting. Ah. 01:52.22 alifeinruins That 3 d scanning equipment for ukrainian institutions for their museums. But yeah I mean I I really hated especially I think like January I couldn't stand. Being here I hated living in Indiana I still do really you know far away from my family friends and and I've moved further away from the rez which is a big deal. 02:27.18 alifeinruins Um, and then not being a part of the lab at Ceo and the research going on there felt isolating. Ah. 02:40.70 alifeinruins I started applying to other jobs because I needed to get out of here I was pretty selective in what I applied for because I wanted to get closer to the reservation. Have a really you know suite in terms of like package at Indiana which made it hard to look at other places that were paying like 20 grand less. Um, and so I had a really hard decision to make because I was working on this. Packet and with it with the university in Canada um, that wanted was looking for directors of research center on indigenous archeology and I was excited but I kind of like realized through this year here there's like so much talk. About supporting and indigenous scholars and wanting indigenous scholars and programs. But like because that's what I you said, but then you get to the ground and these and they don't they don't mean it like they just want you present and they think what we're supporting you by hiring you. But not so not actually and really supporting me as an indigenous person or the work that I want to do right? I came here the guys that came to work with the people that recruited fucking quit didn't have a lab I had no place to really do my own work unless I could borrow lab space. It was just like. 04:13.45 alifeinruins I don't I don't know and then in faculty meetings and in conversations had with colleagues and just things that were being said and you know the vision of the departments was just like you guys actually don't know what you're you know, talking about most the time and it was like really disheartening my contact was filled out. Those that are watching a video like I'm rubbing my eyes I'm fucking frustrated and the contact just came out trying to get the other one out. So don't mess things up and I got to be careful because I have like hot buffaloing fingers because I'd stress 8 today for recording this episode. Ah just burn my eye was trying to avoid that be failed. Um. 04:59.14 alifeinruins Oh my god this is burning the hell out of me okay, got the other contact out at the cost of now it's watering. Oh god it's a spicy eyeball. Okay, um, for those that are watching now I'm just squinting the camera cause my eyes are on fire and I'm crying. Because of the buffalo wing sauce now in my eyeballs um it it was just this real moment like and I've talked about this on the podcast before my experience and it was of of indigenous archaeology and supporting faculty and and and students. And like you also have to remember like the department that I'm at now Joe Watkins used to be here. Sonia Adela used to be here. Um, theyre they've gone through like 4 indigenous anthropologists and they've bu so essentially been run out of the department for various reasons mostly because the staff or other colleagues wanted them gone. 05:55.74 alifeinruins And so now I'm here and knowing this legacy of the department and it was kind of the same deal of like she guys aren't actually supporting me and I and I had brought up my concerns about the lab space not having access to a lab. No one took them seriously until I got offered a job at the University Of Kansas which I start in January this is my last semester at iu I think we mentioned that on the podcast like I'm now going to be the curator of archeology at the biological institute. Biodiversity Institute sorry at k you as well as a ah professor in anthropology in the department of Anth and you know then when I was like I'm out then they came out with counter offerers. They're like well we'll give you lab space. What can we do to make you comfortable. It's like I had been asking for those things before. Why does it take for me to have to leave to get these like I get the academic system but it was really kind of frustrating when so oh well, we actually have this space that's been empty and no one's been using it. It's like like they didn't go out to find new space and they argue for it. They had space that. The threat upon me, leaving they were going to give to me and I was at first I was like oh my gosh and they were offering me a pretty big raise that Kansas couldn't match. They were working like 1 of the big things I want to do is run a field school but like the University Of Indiana didn't want to fund it. 07:25.71 alifeinruins And there was just like dumb shit that was said like when I asked about doing the field school. They're like well you have to hit 10 students and if you don't hit 10 students then which was hard to do here then you know you don't get a summer salary but like you know if it's about the research, you'll do it I'm like fuck that you're telling me that like. If I don't make quote him I'm not going to get paid for it like no what kind of privileged as shit is that it's about the research it's like I'm a god damn I'd still have to you know, feed myself like the salary that we're as professors like it's from August to may like June and July we don't get paid. And if you're not budgeting carefully which I didn't um, you're done for and so like it was just these weird comments where I'm like okay you know getting the sense of like how out of touch the generation these generations of archaeologists are and then also like looking at their background. It's like okay you come from ivy leagues and it's like. You know there's ah there is a difference like people that listen like talk to ivy league archeologists versus like public school archeologists like there's a difference in mentality and especially difference in upbringing a lot of times. Now that be sad like if you're not a diversity scholarship. There's different anyways I don't want to get that but like there was just these weird conversations of like what do you mean like it's about the research it's like don't say no, it's about you know, getting being compensated for my labor. You know. 08:52.49 alifeinruins Start the freaking Soviet Union orchestra behind me. It's like no I'm not going to just do free labor. Um, and they weren't going to support an Ai and so when during for for the field school and like the reason I'm going on this ran is like when I'm having these conversations like in. Ah, like my negotiations with without you like I'm going to go to Kansas and're like well here's a package. What do you need them like I want funding for a field school and like well how about we give you funding for like 3 years and then like let's send out some rich old donors with you. You know people that could possibly donate and we can keep it going and I'm like what. So you want me to not be focused on the science but more focused on like chauffeurring potential donors to maybe give us an endowment. It was just like and that you know that wasn't from an anthropology department that was from my college of arts and science aspect. But I was just like ah no like this is crazy. One. You has had lab space for me. And didn't give it to me because I wasn't important enough I don't know why. But now you want to now the field. So it's just like I got so disillusioned like very quickly like oh so I could have had these things which I requested early on. And what caused me to look for other employment and now that I found other employment and it was like you know what? I'm going to Kansas for a number of reasons like 1 super important that I've learned and I don't want to get into it is like there are more archeologists in that department than cultural anthropologists. 10:24.37 alifeinruins And I've learned a lot about being in department that is dominated by culture anthropologists and I want to be in a department that has more scientifically or methods driven people my colleagues in culture anthropology are do a lovely research but I don't think they understand what I do. Um, also the work that's being done at Kau is is way more closely related to what I do the collections at Kansas are actually great plains collections which is what I research so it's a much better fit more importantly, it's only you know three and a half four hours away from home I want to be closer to my family. But more importantly, like I want to be closer to. 11:01.71 alifeinruins My cultural resource division like I want to be it really sucks. You know, even though I do you know I help out the nation the ways I can but I can't be as present as I want to be on to be far more present for um, the tippo and nac officer. Um. I want to be able to actually like do work with the museum down there far more often. You know being three and a half four hours away I can be there much quicker and and and more often and I need to go home. But it was in even even there my interview process with Kansas was fucking weird and and some comments were made down there that made me think I wasn't getting the job and I was kind of kind of blew off some steam during my exit interview because I just kind of threw up my hands and I was like why am I actually here if these are the comments that are being made about me and I was and it was just I just I really hate ademia to be honest, you know like this is not what I thought it was It's so much more political and and and like I get like Shane and Jesse must be laughing their asses off because and other professors that are listening to this but I I don't know I had this whole different viewpoint of what it was. And maybe my bubbles being burst and and it's a good thing because like now I'm going into Kansas with like a much clear understanding what academia is wanting to do to support myself and protect myself and I'm like ready to go like I'm kind of treating Indiana as like this was my like professional prep school. 12:29.00 alifeinruins To get me ready for the real world but I'll be able to like actually do field schools and have Ais and do great planes archeology which are all things that are important to me and more importantly, there's a much larger, indigenous community down there including ah an actual and native american studies department that are very excited like. When I got the job at Indiana I had like tour I had like half a dozen emails from you know the anthropology department as as a whole right? So there's like 15 people that work for the museum like 30 people that work for the anthropology department. So that's 45 people I only got like half a dozen emails congratulating me. When I got the job at Kansas and accepted damn near every anthropologist emailed me several people from native studies the nack professor and then also curators at the museum like people were actually excited for me to come because I found out later like. I was of I was a free hire for the anthropology department I was one of these faculty diversity hires. They just had a show like they were going to give a department money they could find somebody the former director was able to show like hey we can bring these people in and so I was like a free hire for anthropology. They weren't looking for a great plans or indigenous archeologist I was like a free hire like I wasn't trying to fill a need which which now which makes a lot of sense and they they so they saw me as like oh well, we need another archeologist and like I come in and. 13:58.00 alifeinruins Started like hey maybe do midwest archeology I'm like fuck that I'm a great plains archeologist like I kept I didn't feel like I fit in and people didn't know what I did whereas Kansas they know what I do they want me to work with them and I feel much more welcome and I do feel better like I've made some decent connections here in Indiana like. Zo archeologist here at indian university love him to death and I'm like really sad I'm leaving him I'm sad I'm leaving the first nation center here like I've done a lot of work with those kids and it's like I'm not I it's hard for me to not feel like I'm abandoning people but it's like I got brought in for. Ah, goal in a vision that quickly evaporated and now I need to look out for myself and like I guess that's kind of like the point of this whole thing is not I'm not asking for people to me look croton like oh we're so sorry it's like dude this past year has sucked for me professionally and personally as a result like never been worse and there's. Parts of my life are probably works but like I was in really bad headspace and me Connor and David if it wasn't really for those 2 and some other friends like I don't know where I'd be because there were definitely times I had some really scary thoughts because I I didn't think I was cut out for the shit I just wanted it to. Just wanted it all to be over and I don't want other people to feel that way and like I I really regret coming to I you I should have stayed at Denver. That's where my heart was I love being in Denver I love the people I worked with I was learning professional skills I don't really think I advanced as a scholar or as an archeologist here at iu. 15:33.49 alifeinruins Was able to like help finish the book like I have publications coming out those things where I was already doing but I've been so focused on just trying to survive here. Get the new directors here. The interview process. All these hirings trying to like help keep the museum together and and. Like look for jobs that I haven't done new research like I haven't done shit and I didn't I didn't progress like I I'm very I want to learn from people and that's why I'm really excited for Kansas like there are people there that I really want to just learn from like so you know being there. Colleague I have something to learn from them like I'm like in this Bob Kellyley mentality of like I'm always going to be a student. Well I guess like here at I you I've learned how to do underwater archeology and part of a fantastic program. But that's that's not going to help my tenure That's what everyone keeps reminding me like hey it's cool. You're doing the underwater stuff you're doing all this work with Dominican Republic and doing the research there but your tenure track none of that helps like part of tenure is like what are you known for I am an indigenous planes archeologist underwater archeology of spanish colonial shipwrecks doesn't fall under that category. Right? So like I have advanced I I should It's so critical myself I've done fun stuff and got to be part of fun projects develop a new skill. But in terms of like I haven't learned anything new about museum creation or museum methods since being here. 17:02.90 alifeinruins Haven't really done terribly too much towards like learning more about great plains archeology I've got a tot of fun class learned right? off the bat I don't want to teach grad students anytime soon since we're all the same age I really just want to teach undergrads. And 2 I'm not ready to be an advisor for anybody like I need to sort my life out before I can be in charge of a human's fucking life and career I'm teaching intro to archeology right now and I love it and like reminded me of like why I love teaching because I love teaching undergrads and so like Kansas I'm going to be like very focused and like I just want to teach undergrads. Until like maybe I hit tenure and like Kansas their department they're like hey we don't want you to take grad students until you're at tenure or you have some time like at I you they were throwing students like oh you should take some like I could have ended up with 3 graduate students that would be with me right now that's fucking crazy. Can you as imagine me having graduate students and most of you guys can't even stand me podcasting. Can you imagine me being in charge of a human's professional and academic career and like ah and honestly a big reason why I didn't end up with grad students like there was two I really wanted I was very honest with both of them. I hate it here and I have a job lined up and like they had to give notification of acceptance of the program in like April or something and I hadn't heard back from Kansas until June so I was very open with them I was like I don't know what the deal is but I also hate it here and I don't want you to come here. 18:33.48 alifeinruins And so I don't have grad students this fall and like I understand this is dangerous like me saying this like I don't know what to say?? um because you know I I had conversations with the deans when I was leaving and some of these extra interviews where I've been like very honest about my time. You know and how I felt and have been treated in anthro and at the museum and I'm not going into everything but like just a basic idea and with that i' ah, we're going to wrap this up. Um, we'll be right back after these next messages I'm going to do some final thoughts. Um, and we'll be right back.