00:00.21 alifeinruins And okay, we're back with my friend. Dr Margie I wanted to ask to I I didn't quite follow it on Instagram ah, but you were you miss Ohio or you just in the pageant or okay I'm sorry. 00:11.48 Dr_ Margie Serrato I competed in Mrs Ohio and I did not place at all. Okay, and this is ok and it's okay, no, it's okay, you know it's kind of one of those things where I didn't even know that there was a Mrs Pageant I did a few pageants when I was in undergrad actually um. And I didn't know that there was there was this adult like you know, older older woman ah side of of pageantry and I haveve learned a lot. But anyways, it's kind of one of those wow like I didn't know that was a thing and h maybe I'll look into it and then just that curiosity I'm like you know this could be. Fun. This could be something that I can give myself because as an undergrad I wasn't able to really fully experience being in the pageant like I basically signed up and showed up but I did not have time to really prep because I was going to college I owe this afore so I was responsible for my siblings. So I kind of gave myself this. 00:57.50 alifeinruins Yeah, yeah. 01:06.83 Dr_ Margie Serrato Opportunity to experience pageantry more fully and and it was great I felt awesome I loved I had I had fun I I enjoyed doing it I got some really important things um out of it for myself. But it was really literally backstage in my pretty golden. 01:14.25 alifeinruins Yeah. 01:27.40 Dr_ Margie Serrato Sparkly downwn when I realized I am not the best ambassador for this and and there was like this question that I had asked myself before which was am I going to be disappointed if I don't place or if I don't win and the truth is like when I thought about that before. 01:32.29 alifeinruins Ah, yeah. 01:46.38 Dr_ Margie Serrato I thought no I'm Goingnna be fine like I just know that when something doesn't work out. It's a redirection to some something else I'm still going to learn something from it and so when I ask myself that question in my gown like all glammed up and stuff it like am I gonna feel disappointed if I don't place. It's like no no I I really truly am okay. 01:51.76 alifeinruins Yeah. 02:06.20 Dr_ Margie Serrato With that honest answer that I I am not going to be the best ambassador for this I I need the space to be all of myself, especially in this stage of life. Um, and pageantry was not going to allow me to do that and. 02:21.58 alifeinruins Yeah. 02:24.16 Dr_ Margie Serrato And and so that was like you know that matters to me more I'm I'm I'm not the best best representative for this but also like these women who who compete and who were finalists. They've been doing this since they were little. This is not my world like so as an anthropologist I feel like honestly it was more of an anthropological like. 02:37.19 alifeinruins Ah. 02:41.37 alifeinruins Experience. Yeah. 02:42.86 Dr_ Margie Serrato Experience and it was great for that alone. Um, plus what I what I got out of it for myself which to be honest, actually this is very relevant to something that I mentioned to you a few days ago which was um, the uncomfortable truth for me in that moment was also so asking like okay what what did you learn. And so I ran through some things and learning the good stuff is is fine learning the uncomfortable stuff. That's the stuff that you got to sit with and like I said before being okay with discomfort um the thing that I learned in that moment was one of the reasons why why I decided to um. 03:13.28 alifeinruins Yeah I. 03:21.63 Dr_ Margie Serrato To compete is because pageantry is a speaking platform. It. It is a it's it's a built-in speaking platform as a queen and so the uncomfortable truth was you know. I've been doing this thing in the past few years where I've collaborated and partnered with a lot of different organizations. Um always trying to hide behind somebody else's brand and I just hadn't seen it quite. That clearly until that point of like I am trying to do this by hiding I'm trying to do the speaking thing by hiding behind somebody else and 2 things 1 I i. 03:59.43 alifeinruins You got to step out of it. Yeah. 04:15.19 Dr_ Margie Serrato Okay I see it now I can't not see it now. Thanks! Okay, so now I know that this is my default I'm trying I'm trying to do this in ah in a way that is actually not meant for me the other part um was just understanding that. Um. It's because I'm afraid of being fully visible as me as Dr Margie as everything that I am because that is scary that goes entirely against all of my conditioning and all of my traumas and all of the crap. That I have to actively work on every day every time I post something on Instagram every time I you know and it's really interesting because when I'm speaking like at at at workshops at engagements and stuff at events. None of that bothers me. It's the act of self promoting that's the part that's like that that I just rather have somebody else handle it which is why I've tried partnering. 05:18.20 alifeinruins You feel vapid and self- agrandizing I hate it when I do it too. 05:22.95 Dr_ Margie Serrato Ah, it's it's I guess said it says totally against our conditioning right? We learn not to be in the spotlight specifically for me too because I tend to be just one of those people that even if I hi people find me even if I hide the spotlight all always ends up on me even if I try not to like to be it. 05:27.85 alifeinruins Yeah. 05:41.48 Dr_ Margie Serrato When I try to be in the background I always end up Leading. It is just what I naturally do and I just have to accept it and surrender to it and so it's it's struggling between what is naturally me and what I've been taught to do so that process of. Unlearning this for myself. It's going to require a lot of practice. Ah, it really is like that's the biggest thing. So So yeah, so I did not place I was very grateful for the opportunity. Um, partly because you know thinking about this from the standpoint of Academia and. 06:05.42 alifeinruins Yeah, yeah. 06:20.11 Dr_ Margie Serrato And the things that we learn in our culture right of your professional self is supposed to be different from your personal self or you don't bring your personal life to work like all of these things that we have learned about who we are supposed to show up as at work and your profession and your career as a leader. It's this. 06:35.20 alifeinruins Ah. 06:39.65 Dr_ Margie Serrato Fragmented Um, just like a separate part of you and that's part of why we all burn out is because we're constantly performing a part of ourselves and we're not. 06:48.92 alifeinruins Yeah. 06:59.30 Dr_ Margie Serrato Allow to really integrate the fullness of everything that we are into something that matters a lot which is our career right? We we spend more time in our jobs in our professions than we do in our personal lives. 07:04.63 alifeinruins Ah. 07:16.69 Dr_ Margie Serrato And and part of that feeling fragmented is you don't feel like you have permission to integrate all of the parts that matter in your life so you constantly feeling like I have to prioritize 1 or the other I can't have. 07:27.65 alifeinruins Yeah. 07:36.22 Dr_ Margie Serrato Both and that's a bunch of bullshit like we have learned that that we have learned to operate that way. There is nothing written in stone There's no rulebook that says that that's how it is supposed to be that is simply what we have all been brainwashed. To believe and and so for me like even within academia like me talking to other anthropologists about what I do as a coach me showing up more fully including the fact that I love clamming myself up. You know, think about the things that. Women often learn which is you can eat which is what I learned and this is something that I struggle with in the head and and and I figured out a few years ago um I love I've always loved climbming up but I never really gave myself permission to do it unless it was like a special occasion. Um. Because I always learned. You can either be smart or be pretty. You can't be both if you're smart and pretty people don't take you seriously and sadly we've all learned that so it it is quite common that that actually happens women get dismissed for a lot of different reasons and. 08:40.19 alifeinruins Ah. 08:48.83 alifeinruins Um, yeah. 08:53.18 Dr_ Margie Serrato Caring for your looks is one of those. It's like well you must be. You know, very superficial if you care about how you look to me one of the things that I learned when I examined that and when I really like dug into all the layers was realizing. What does makeup mean to me what does beauty mean to me like how do I want to define that for myself and to me like 1 of the things that as I gave myself permission to just play with makeup I was playing with a lot of different colors. A lot of like really bold colors. Um, and and. Vibrant you know, kind of makeup and more intense. Let's say dramatic makeup to me the thing that I understood that I had never really would have put words to is. It's an outlet for creativity. Some people. 09:42.65 alifeinruins It's art. 09:43.65 Dr_ Margie Serrato So Exactly some people use you know pain and a canvas and for me my canvas is my face I get to do different things so that I get to I get to experiment with with techniques I get to learn new new things and in the process also of making up my my artwork. When I give myself time to do it. Um I recognize that it makes me feel like I've spent time on myself that I've spent time caring for myself doing something fun for myself and that matters like we really have a lot of struggle as adults with. 10:17.53 alifeinruins Yeah. 10:22.79 Dr_ Margie Serrato Letting go resting doing something just for fun because we are taught that if it doesn't have a purpose then we shouldn't be wasting time on it quote unquote right? and and and we learned that very early on we learned that a lot earlier. 10:33.54 alifeinruins Right. 10:42.74 Dr_ Margie Serrato Then we need. We were not allowed to be kids really because we learned that from a very young age or if you're not good at something you shouldn't be doing it like all the all of that stuff all of that crabbing. We talk about this roof like over years um so for me even showing up this way. As a professional with a ph d like I honestly, at this point don't really care what people think but I know that that would have been something hard to really be able to embrace as I was in my academic career like when I was teaching and things like that. Um. 11:15.35 alifeinruins Um, yeah. 11:19.10 Dr_ Margie Serrato So and and it's something. It was really interesting because when when I started teaching which was so I went to graduate school at Texas a and m and I the first time that I taught um is really this is kind of um I got my. 11:25.93 alifeinruins Okay. 11:38.13 Dr_ Margie Serrato Assignment for teaching literally like two weeks before I was supposed to teach and I was it was like oh congratulations you know you get to teach your own class and literally like the letter right? Underneaththan was and your your book ah orders and you know all of this stuff. You know need to be submitted by you know next week kind of thing and I like oh. Okay, so all of the anxiety and panic and things so I basically was like okay, what do I do and one of the faculty I asked. He's like you know, listen soon. Just go in just know that you know be tough. You know the students are gonna try to run you over and all this stuff and so I went when I went in to teach my first class which was in spring I went in. 11:58.27 alifeinruins Ah reality. 12:15.81 Dr_ Margie Serrato Very Militant I mean you really been envision it like hair pulled back like I was there to teach and I was there to like be a hard I asked them because you know I don't want people like running me over and things like that. Um, then we had spring break and in that in that in that little time Away. Just recognized something which was like I'm not teaching in a way that is right for me I'm not being myself and trying to perform somebody somebody else. That's somebody else's role that they I've been assigned to basically and so I was like okay well let's not do that anymore. 12:42.95 alifeinruins Ah. 12:52.11 Dr_ Margie Serrato And so I went in after the semester or after spring break and I was more of myself and it felt better and it was really interesting because when my advisor showed me the feedback. She's like hey um, have you looked at the comments from your students and I was like no but I can imagine they probably says something like this and she goes are you sure you didn't. Comments and I was like yeah and she's like oh that's literally exactly what they said is that you you know you you went in, you know, really strong and like as a hardass and stuff and she's like and but but some of them that recognized that there was a difference after notice said difference and I was like. That's cool, right? That's good and she's like you're very self-aware I'm like yeah they tend to be that so that was good to know. Um, but 1 of those things that that mattered to me too like as I was in my my time at Texas a and m as a student was a big, be a good anthropology teacher. Like this is an opportunity to change a lot of people's perspective to build empathy to to teach students how to see the world and a lot of the students they were like white texans would never left Texas okay Texas is everything um so kind of working with that with that perspective of they've never. 13:57.81 alifeinruins Sure college station. 14:06.10 Dr_ Margie Serrato Talk to people from other places. How do I give them that experience in a classroom. How do I teach them to what we do in anthropology so well, which is to make the familiar strange and the strange familiar right? Um, so I and I did a good job at that. 14:19.98 alifeinruins Well put. 14:23.81 Dr_ Margie Serrato I Did a really good job with that because I could see the the the times that I can reflect on now where I Miss I Miss teaching What is it that I miss about it when is it that I felt that I was Impactful. It was and I mentioned this to you a few days ago which was I could I could tell when I was. Challenging a perspective that was deeply held by them that they never had an opportunity to examine and their entire world view changed I could see it in the way that their face was like blank like oh wow. 14:57.00 alifeinruins Yeah. 14:58.83 Dr_ Margie Serrato Something just shifted tremendously. Their body would be like like you could tell they were really internally struggling with something that they never had to look at and I live for those moments I live for those moments It is a great feel because you know that you've you shifted them into a different way of thinking. 15:10.71 alifeinruins It's a good feeling isn't it. 15:17.88 alifeinruins Yeah. 15:18.50 Dr_ Margie Serrato About the world but also a different way of thinking about how they think and that matters that matters it is to me. It's the thing that I've I've kind of the word that I that I use for it more even though people don't really understand it but it makes sense to me is it's waking up. It's waking up to. 15:24.89 alifeinruins Ah. 15:36.89 Dr_ Margie Serrato A different way of thinking a different way of being a different way of seeing the world. It's waking up to you know? what? what we experience every day We think that's reality it is simply the reality that we're currently in when we get to recognize that we have a choice in the lives that we create. That matters when we get to realize that we have a choice in how we perceive others that matters that's the stuff that is important to me as a human being not just as an anthropologist. It's just that there's a lot of parallels and a lot of really good ways of marrying together. Anthropology as a field with the skills and and the context of coaching because Anthropology is really about outside of yourself about culture about layers of culture but understanding others us out outside of yourself coaching is about understanding. 16:20.62 alifeinruins Yeah. 16:34.26 Dr_ Margie Serrato Everything inside of you and so the 2 together is is is a perfect combination because we get to understand. Okay, what would would be. We've been conditioned to do or to think and coaching is more like is that really true for me. What is the choice that I actually want to make about this. 16:51.94 alifeinruins Um, yeah. 16:53.49 Dr_ Margie Serrato And choice is power choice is everything and it's a thing that we don't learn. Um and that's the thing that I want to I want to spread more of that's the thing that matters to me. But um, in that time too because I was doing my piece d research on women in in combat. So basically I did a comparative analysis. Of women and men who'd been in ground combat in Afghanistan and Iraq post nine eleven and I went in to this subject with the idea of just learning. You know, kind of like what was what was for me. Um, like. Women are supposed to be in the you know in the military those were a lot of the debates that were happening at the time that I entered grad school because of the nine eleven wars and because of women being in combat and so these public debates about like whether women should and being combat or in the military you know we're resurfacing again. So it was a timely topic. 17:47.56 alifeinruins Um, yeah. 17:49.57 Dr_ Margie Serrato But it was only it was also important for me because when I was in college and I was trying to find ways to finance my education there is like this giant montgomery di bill poster. Um in like the school you know cafeteria and it was like at the time it was like $30000 you know to go to college which was would have paid 40 years of school now would probably go on the pay for 1 year but 18:09.11 Dr_ Margie Serrato But um, but I I did the azdab which is like the the entrance exam I scored for military intelligence like I wasn't going to be a grunt now that there's anything I would be in a grunt. It's just that for me I knew that my family was going to be less inclineded. Let's say. To even consider you know me going into the military. Um, if I was if they pursued I was gonna be suffering in any way. Um, that at the end of the day they still had a very hard like women don't be belong in the military, especially because I had an uncle who was't a marine Um, and so he was like. You know women don't belong in the military and I didn't want to make such a big commitment without my family Support. So I kind of took the opportunity of the Ph D research as a way of digging into this thing that always bothered me that I struggled within my personal life but also learning. 18:46.45 alifeinruins Rep. 18:58.63 Dr_ Margie Serrato Why do women go into the military when they're not wanted there when they're not welcomed. They're what why are they still compelled to do this and more importantly, do they really experience combat differently than men and and I and I got some really good findings out of that I'd just. Spending time with female soldiers and with male soldiers and digging into those questions of what does What was what were those experiences like for you. How did they change you as a person. Do you believe that women should be in the military. Why or why? not,. There's also the tragic. Stuff about like sexual harassment and sexual assault that we have heard a lot about so there's definitely a lot of that that I didn't expect to get in my research but it is just hand in hand part of the military experiences. It is very very prevalent and and horrifyingly. So yeah. 19:33.75 alifeinruins Yeah. 19:46.80 alifeinruins It's extremely prevalent I learned that and it bummed me out. Yeah. 19:52.87 Dr_ Margie Serrato Yeah, horrifyingly So but but anyway so it was good to do that Research. It was I'm glad that I did my Ph D I Ah I however have a lot of issues with how we're trained as academics not as anthropologists. But as academics to view certain things as better than others that. Tenure track position is like the the Golden ticket. Um, because the thing is we don't learn that there are a lot of other ways of being an anthropologist of practicing anthropology in ways that are successful and impactful because. Guess what the faculty who are tenure track have never done those things they have no idea how to steer us in different directions because they haven't been there themselves. Yeah no and it's like so it's like gosh you know what? I think a lot of us who goes in who go into anthropology. 20:37.00 alifeinruins As a great point. 20:46.28 Dr_ Margie Serrato Here like anthropology is such a great feel because you can do anthropology anywhere. You can you can? It's about human beings human beings are everywhere so you can literally take any context that you're interested in look at it from a human lens and you got yourself something but in the process of becoming trained as academics. We don't see we. 20:59.18 alifeinruins Um, yeah, um. 21:05.32 Dr_ Margie Serrato Don't know how to how to pursue or even explore what those other opportunities are and that's one of those reasons why I've been going to conferences in the past few years is to help people see help anthropologists see a life beyond academia. That is actually successful and fruitful by actually doing what matters to them by actually taking the things that drove you to anthropology to begin with looking at the things that let you up and putting those things together I think I think you could definitely speak a lot about that like. How that has been meaningful to you and the things that matter to you and how you've come up with your own have you created your own avenue for doing those things for yourself and I think a lot of times anthropologists will look at somebody who so has successfully done that and immediately in their mind. They have to struggle with. 21:52.88 alifeinruins Um, yeah. 22:01.87 Dr_ Margie Serrato Well, but that's not anthrop. That's not what I learned an anthropologist is where true academic is or all this stuff and I know because I had those issues too I had to wrestle with those questions. Yeah. 22:09.42 alifeinruins Yeah, every day. Yeah, but no, it's um, like I'm doing what I would want to do with the ph d right now I just I wanted to teach and like do a Bill Nye type thing. So. It's rewarding and yeah, the way you said it like the expression on people's faces when I lecture and you I can tell I'm getting to them. It's very rewarding and like yeah and I think you and I talked about it other day. It's kind of like a standup comic like you like the audience is your barometer for. 22:31.54 Dr_ Margie Serrato And he. 22:42.78 alifeinruins How you're doing and like your impact you know? yeah. 22:43.77 Dr_ Margie Serrato And I get that to both so so the thing that was important for me that I got a lot of clarity on is that that same shift that I created in in those moments that I feel were meaningful as it as an anthropology instructor. That's the same shift that I create in coaching. 1 on one with people and it's also the same shit that I create when I speak they are just things that when we hear certain truths we can know look we can't unhear them and we we just have to sit with it. Especially in like in a speaking engagement because you quite literally just can't get up and go you just have to sit there with the discomfort of what you heard and take personal responsibility for it for what you do with that with that truth. That's the thing that again. 23:25.60 alifeinruins Ah. 23:36.20 alifeinruins Yeah. 23:37.70 Dr_ Margie Serrato Discomfort but I'm really good at providing those moments I'm really good at it and that that matters that that is basically like a freaking like neon flashing sign from the universe that says this is what you're meant to do This is what. Great at this is what your gift is this is how you're meant to impact the world and and help others to wake up to what really matters and to what matters at about themselves and that's not something that we. 24:02.86 alifeinruins Um, yeah. 24:11.68 Dr_ Margie Serrato That's not something that's easy to access. But that's the thing that I know that I can provide and and I just have to get out of my own way and to just practice self-promotion. Ah. 24:14.15 alifeinruins Right. 24:28.26 alifeinruins Well I know I've only known you for what six months now so I feel weird saying I'm proud of you but I'm proud of you for getting that finding that avenue and sticking with that niche you know, um, what? ah is it called. 24:37.84 Dr_ Margie Serrato Yeah. 24:43.74 alifeinruins Um, human empowered is that your is like is it your company or okay so where can people find you with that. 24:45.40 Dr_ Margie Serrato Human empowered is it yes, ah is is the company. It's basically like a coaching company. Yes, so um, so they can actually so social media I feel like is is the most accessible for for people but I'm on there on. Doctor so Dr period mar j sorato m a r g I e s e r a d and I'm sure you can put that in a link somewhere. Um and but yes, but my my site is human hyphen empowered so ed at the end dot com and I everything need to update it. But you know that's where you can find me. 25:05.14 alifeinruins I will. 25:18.50 Dr_ Margie Serrato At the very least. 25:19.65 alifeinruins Okay, um, yeah I Guess that's it and if there's anything else you would want to I guess you already covered it what you would want to say to anybody in anthropology. 25:26.47 Dr_ Margie Serrato I I think in anthropology or anywhere else is that what first we have to know what actually matters what is meaningful about us which there is meaning to each and every one of us and then to make the choice to live through that. 25:36.62 alifeinruins Ah. 25:45.50 Dr_ Margie Serrato Um, that can be hard but it matters and it's important for you to do that and if you need support. You know one person who can do that with you. 25:55.24 alifeinruins Awesome! Um, thank you for sharing all that with me today I really appreciate it and yeah, no problem happy to have you on anytime and with that we're out. Oh right? Um now I have to do the ah Chris 3 2 1 25:58.77 Dr_ Margie Serrato It was fun. Thank you. 26:12.68 alifeinruins Um, if you guys want to write and review the podcast on Apple or Spotify. It would really help us out and you can always shoot us an email with questions if you have them and if you send us a review or put it on Apple Carlton will send you a sticker and I will make him do that. Ah, but yeah, that's it. Connor's not here. So no joke. Ah, we can add one later I'll have him record it later and add it all right? Thank you We're out.